My life is a better joke than this.
How did Moses make his tea?
Hebrew it... Aaaaah. Gets me everytime.
OK OK! GET THIS!
A mushroom walk into the bar.
The bar tender says "we don't serve mushrooms here"
The mushroom says "come on, im a fun-(guy)
As I can tell from the photo. Those 1.5 million people were over the age of 60 and probably couldn't hear the joke clearly so they just laughed to get the creepy person away that's telling the joke.
The Mexican magician told the crowd on the count of 3 he would disappear.. "Uno, dos..." He disappeared without a tres
What do u call a page without ideas?...
Poor dude lol.
I got it, but it wasn't that funny
What does a duck smoke?
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? Give me a moment to get hard, I just got laid by some chick.
A Marine boarded a very crowded train on his way home from deployment. He walked the aisle looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" She sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired," he asked again. She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to do everything wrong. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window
I'm laughing at the jokes in the comments so hard. You guise are cute
What do you call a cow that twitches?
Beef jerky 😏
What do you say to Simba when he's walking too slow? Mufasa.
So....buzzfeed is clearly out of ideas. Ok then.
I only liked this cause of the girl that said "I'm laughing at you not with you."
Well, a joke isn't funny if it's not delivered well.
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
The jokes in the comments are funnier lol
This joke sucked. Here's a better one, it's not for kids so keep that in mind. So a hippie boards a bus and sees a nun that he finds attractive so he goes up to her and says "excuse me, you're the most beautiful hun I've ever seen, will you please have sex with me?" She politely says no thank you and gets off at the next stop. When the hippie gets off the bus driver stops him and says "hey buddy I know how you can have sex with that nun, every Tuesday night at midnight she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you go dressed as God and command her to have sex with you she will." So he decides to give it a try. He goes to the cemetery dressed in robes and hides behind a tree. In the middle of the nun's prayer he jumps out and says "behold, I am God and I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but first you must have sex with me!" The nun replies "okay but can it be anal sex so I can keep my virginity?" The hippies agrees and they have sex. Afterwards the hippie throws off his robes and says "haha! I'm the hippie!" Then the nun throws off her robes and says "haha, I'm the bus driver!"
Like if you didnt laugh at all....
My ex is a better joke than this.
Why hitler really kill himself?
He got his gas bill 😂
Where do you find a legless dog?
Right where you left it! Lmao
This Is So Pathetic, That's What Makes It Hilarious Lmao
Man, if most comment threads consisted of jokes, the world would be a much less angry place XD
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are usually around $1.50, but deer nuts are always under a buck.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
......"Where's my tractor"
Q. What did the ocean say to the sailor?
A. Nothing it just waved 😅
Did you SEA what I did there?
Two cats called 'one two three' and 'un deux tois' swam across a river. One two three made it but un deux tois cat sank
is it bad that i laughed right away??
There's 3 men in a roofing business, an American, an Italian and a Pollack. Every day around noon, they sit down, on the roof, open their lunchboxes and eat their meals. One day, the American gets up and proclaims, "I'm tired of eating this ham sandwich, I swear to God if I get this one more time, I'm gonna jump off this roof and kill myself." Then the Italian, hearing this, stands up and says, "Spaghetti and meatballs again? I swear to fucking God, if I get this one more time, I'm gonna jump off of this roof and kill myself." Lastly, the Pollack following suit, stands up and states, "Grilled cheese again! I swear to God, if I get this one more time, I'm gonna jump off this roof and kill myself!"..a day passes, it's noon and the roofers are ready for their lunches. Like clockwork, the American opens his lunchbox and sees a ham sandwich and jumped off the roof and killed himself. The Italian, seeing the American die, opens up his lunchbox, and surprise surprise, gets spaghetti and meatballs again, so he jumps off the roof and kills himself. Lastly, the Pollack, seeing both of his colleagues dead, opens up his lunchbox and.. gets the grilled cheese AGAIN, so he jumps off the roof and kills himself... one week later, at their funerals, all the men's wives are there, crying and mourning.. the American man's wife says, "If only he would have told me he wanted something different, I would have made it for him." The Italian wife, hearing this, agrees and states, "If only he had told me he wanted something different, I would have made it for him." Lastly, the Pollack' s wife in bewilderment, states to the rest, "I don't know what went wrong... he made his own lunch everyday." 😂 - Johnny
I laughed.My favourite joke is a blonde a brunette and a red head are in a car driving, when out in a field they spot another blonde rowing a boat..the blonde in the car turns to her companions and says Ugh its blondes like her that give other blondes a bad name...If I could swim I'd tell her that.Haha
This is the stupidest video I've seen in a while
This guy is a horrible joke teller.
the fact that this joke was voted the "funniest joke in the world" by 1.5 million must say something about society.
I got it both times, still didn't laugh. Ones in the comments are much better.
I was going to tell you an anal sex joke... Butt fuck it 😂😂
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh??
Who is the father of all corny jokes? "Pop-corn" Goodnight everybody!!
Sally has no arms.
Have you seen Ray Charles wife?
He hasn't either.
A blonde is swerving left to right on an empty street when a cop pulls her over and asks her why.. She replies, "a pine tree keeps jumping out in front of me!!!" ..after looking to the road and back in the car, the officer replies, "mam, that's your air freshener."
Police: where do u live?
Me: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
Me: with me
Police: where do u all live?
Police: where is ur house?
Me: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Me: if i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
Me: next to my house
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet for the necessary payment, then he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires, with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"Yep, I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
Replies the man, "Well, then, wash your hands because I want a cheese sandwich!"
Southerner joke lol... Northerners won't get it
It's the way you tell the joke I heard this before and busted out laughing ....
I just need to say how terrible that joke was... And now I'm going through the comments to read other jokes that are actually funny
I feel like Dick Cheney would have been the only person who would have legitimately laughed at this. Not just a chuckle, but like a belly laugh.
The jokes in the comments are funnier than the video...
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints